Wednesday, November 20, 2013
I suppose you want to know why (or perhaps you know me well enough to think, "oh, yeah. Definitely.") The first time I went to therapy (roughly 8 years ago) was because of this low-level depression I was struggling with. Nothing terrible, but I was finding that little things would keep me down for too long, and good things were easily dismissed. My balance was off (maybe it always was), and it was time to start sorting this out.
I'm not going to share intimate secrets here. Sorry to disappoint, but, while I will tell you that I am in therapy, I am not spilling the details. I can tell you that I have discovered a lot about myself through this process. Over time, I have learned that my "depression" is more a result of my anxiety, which is true and constant. My anxiety is a low-level buzzing that is always there, but I've grown to manage it better. Not perfect (not even close), but better.
This is therapist #5. That sounds like a lot, doesn't it? But moving, insurance, etc, have lead to this. I think it has worked to my favor. I have a better sense of what I want. I don't need someone who constantly tells me that I am making the right choices, or that all my behaviors are perfectly justified. I need someone who questions me a bit. If I were doing everything right, I wouldn't be there. Of course, if I were doing everything right, I wouldn't be human.
I know I am different as a result of all of this. I think I am better, but I still have struggles. These are for me to battle. I'm looking forward to it.