Women do behave differently than men. I see it in the workplace where the women will all tell you about their kids and the crazy things their husband did and how they've got to leave early because they have to pick up Little Susie from daycare, while with most of the men I work with I'm not sure who has kids and who doesn't. I understand that a lot of the childcare responsibility falls on women, and in many (most?) cases, that's the choice of the couple.
But do women behave differently because there's something different about us (nature/instinct) or are we expected to behave a certain way (nurture/social pressure)?
I'm always torn with these women vs. men arguments. On one hand, it isn't fair out there, and most (if not all) women have been treated differently (at work and otherwise) just because they're women, but on the other hand, women do sometimes bring it up themselves. A couple of us were looking at a website of this (female) corporate coach and she had a page specifically dedicated to her personal life. Would a man put information about their partner, pets, and home on their professional website? I'd say it was less likely.
Look at your facebook friends' pictures. How many women have their kids or pets or hubbies as their profile pictures compared to the men? I know that facebook is supposed to be social, that it's not a professional site, but it does speak a bit as to how women and men define themselves. Are women comfortable just being themselves or do women (perhaps overly) define themselves as wife or mother?
It is a bit of the chicken and the egg. Women often take the lead at home, which, of course, would lead to a person talking about that part of their life. But are women taking the lead in dealing with the kids and housework because they want to or because society shoves it down their throats? (If you don't think that society still views Mom as the one who takes care of the kids, just watch a handful of the back-to-school ads: see who's sending little Jimmy off to his first day of school. Spoiler: it's not Daddy. I don't know why, but this year it's just pissing me off more than usual. Really, ad agencies? You can't have ONE dad drop the kid off or take her to the bus stop or pack a lunch? Because Dads do sometimes buy the Wonder Bread in real life.)
Do the experiment: watch tv commercials for an hour. Just flip around the stations, get a good mix. You'll easily have a hundred images of women doing the housework, taking care of the kids, shopping for groceries while the men grill and work on computers and maybe try unsuccessfully to help out around the house (but thank GOD Mom can save the day!) Even if you say don't agree personally, that your man does more than his share or you're fully liberated, how can that not be a part of what's in your brain? (Even the damn Dyson commercial -- sure, the guy invented it, but they person they show actually vacuuming is a woman.)
So when the NYT doesn't review women writers as often or as gushy, it's sending a bit of a message. All those images are with us. And this may make us believe that maybe we do deserve different treatment. With the images of vacuuming and doing the wash with your heels on (it's in the current Color-Catcher commercial -- I'm not making that up. Pisses me off every time. She's all happy in her goddam HEELS to be doing her hubbie's wash with hers -- she no longer has to separate the laundry!) women may feel that we do need to apologize for something if we're busy writing books instead of doing the dishes.
3 comments:
When I was younger, especially in college and early in my career, I wanted to believe that men and women were roughly the same and should be treated equally. But as I've become older and especially after having children, the differences have become loud and clear.
Part is nature, part is choice,and part is society. Dad doesn't cry when a child goes to first day of daycare, or kindergarten,or high school, or leaves home for college. Kids don't go running to Dad when they want to be comforted. School doesn't call Dad when the kids are sick or struggling in school. Nobody looks down on Dad's housekeeping skills when the house is a mess.
When it's all said and done, I cherish my role as a mother, but it seems extremely unfair sometimes when I'm also trying to sustain my career.
Lisa,
Why doesn't the school call Dad when the kids are struggling or are sick? Why don't people blame Dad when the house is a mess? I get that there may be some nature involved with some of these things, but those last two are all society.
I just have to wonder if women don't put themselves into the boxes because it is a tough fight.
I know that being a mom is both a challenge and an amazing gift that I can't fully comprehend. I think it's great that so many people choose this path. Please don't think that I have a problem with the woman who picks that path. What I have a problem with is that assumption that every woman might pick that path, or the paths of housecleaner or carpool leader.
I understand your viewpoint. I don't know why they don't call Dad or blame him when the house is a mess. That part is just plain unfair.
And I agree that one shouldn't assume that all women will go down the same path. And for that matter, noone should judge a women as a failure for choosing one path or the other completely, or to try the balancing act down the middle.
:-)
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